EPISODE 41: I Blame Vic
11 January 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘There’s moist good and moist bad’ – Mike
‘I thought, “That’ll put the freshness back”’ – Mike
‘I can’t get a boner if you’re looking like that’ – Mike
‘I love my nan. I don’t want to have sex with her’ – Mike
‘El, tell us about the time you bought those butt plugs’ – Mike
‘I looked like a burst mattress’ – Mike
‘Don’t get ’em on Dan Dare’ – Mike
‘It was like the Raymond Revuebar in my bedroom’ – Mike
‘I was dummying kids – and laughing’ – Mike
‘We’re talking about Erica Roe’s tits, love’ – Mike
‘Josef Mengele’s off again’ – Mike
‘Kindly stop painting me as a Nazi sympathiser, or I’ll have you rounded up and shot’ – Mike
‘All I had in my car was The Best Of The Doobie Brothers’ – Mike
‘On that fuckin’ bike, trying to lose weight, like that’s going to fuckin’ work. As if. On a fuckin’ stationary bike like some sort of fuckin’ weirdo, watching Kojak. You should be on a fuckin’ register, mate’ – Elis
‘I gave myself a good ol’ bloody rub’ – Elis
‘Our towels are like sandpaper’ – Elis
‘Wanking’s very cheap’ – Elis
‘Mike really loves comic books’ – Steff
‘Imagine being a home and away taekwondo fan’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Village cricket redemption – link – (Mike)
Aussies in the snow – link – (Steff)
Colin Bell tries to recover from injury – link – (Elis)
DOCUMENTARY
Shoulder To Shoulder – link – (Mike)
ROUND TWO CLIPS
Cardiff City: The Movie – link – (Elis)
Gerwyn Price wins the darts – link – (Steff)
Gerwyn Price scores a try in the SWALEC Cup Final – link – (Mike)
BOOK
Gareth: An Autobiography – link – (Steff)

EPISODE 42: Minestrone Soup And Soldiers
18 January 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘I haven’t put my penis anywhere else in 17 years’ – Mike
‘I give ’em a Stubbsy’ – Mike
‘I’ve cut my scrotum on numerous occasions’ – Mike
‘It should be called hard big ball’ – Mike
‘I try not to swear’ – Mike
‘Give me a Bounty and shut up’ – Mike
‘It’s not a bit of fun, because I’m losing one-nil now, you prick’ – Mike
‘There’s no difference in football or buckaroo or quizzes’ – Mike
‘I am a champion of the chaff’ – Elis
‘I don’t wash my hands after taking a piss’ – Elis

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Addiscombe Boys Club, 1975 – link – (Elis)
Brett Lee v Piers Morgan – link – (Mike)
Motherwell fans – link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
Undefeated – link – (Steff)
ROUND TWO CLIPS
Liam Williams responding to Chris Eubank Jnr – link – (Mike)
Derek Chisora compares himself to a laxative – link – (Elis)
Roy Keane quiz night – link – (Steff)
BOOK
Football Cliches by Adam Hurrey – link – (Elis)

EPISODE 43: No Woman, No Cry, Dai
25 January 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘My nuts are in heaven’ – Mike
‘I’m not a dick-picker’ – Mike
‘Whenever I drew a woman, she always had enormous shoulders’ – Mike
‘Fuck off back to Byker Grove, you fucking dwarf’ – Mike
‘I thought bumming used to mean two blokes rubbing their bums together’ – Mike
‘I’m down the bottom, babe’ – Mike
‘I love her greatly – but I just wish she’d have made this with fucking milk’ – Mike
‘I sprayed courage all over her chest’ – Mike
‘Olivio is not olive oil’ – Mike
‘It was just over-eager self-defence’ – Mike
‘I don’t wanna do my core strength. I wanna defecate’ – Mike
‘I wonder if drinking pints of piss has died a death’ – Mike
‘I’ve never talced my bits’ – Elis
‘You sounded like a pub nutter then’ – Elis
‘Big fan of Kendo Nagasaki’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Saxon air guitar attempt – link – (Mike)
Remember the name, Wayne Rooney! – link – (Elis)
Enzo Maccarinelli inspiring people to workout – link and link and link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
Finding Jack Charlton – link – (Elis)
ROUND TWO CLIPS
Dickie Davies says cocksucker – link – (Steff)
George Best chatting to Barry John 1972 – link – (Mike)
Leeds fan goes flying as Chris Fairclough scores against Oxford Utd, 1988 – link and link – (Elis)
BOOK
Green Bay Packers: The Complete Illustrated History by LeRoy Butler – link – (Mike)

EPISODE 44: Very Blue Danube
1 February 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘I’m sat here now in a T-shirt with a pair of talcy bollocks’ – Mike
‘If you want to go to fucking Prague and fuck a prostitute , do it in your own time’ – Mike
‘I’ve always fancied stamp collecting in Thailand’ – Mike
‘Some of my best mates are fannies’ – Mike
‘I can’t go into Costa and smash people’ – Mike
‘Kelly, if you’re listening, you’re a hard worker’ – Mike
‘Hitler’s a wrong ’un’ – Mike
‘I don’t want to fuck a prostitute on the Danube’ – Mike
‘They were sensible people, the Victorians, the Edwardians’ – Elis
‘Do you remember when we used to start?’ – Steff
‘I can imagine Hitler having sex’ – Steff
‘I’d be all right with a badger’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Jonathan Pearce commentating on Eric Cantona’s kung-fu kick at Selhurst Park – link – (Elis)
Scott Quinnell on School Of Hard Knocks – link – (Mike)
David Beckham says goodbye – link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
House of Flying Arrows – link – (Mike)
ROUND TWO CLIPS
An extraordinary moment of slapstick at Chester City FC – link – (Elis)
NFL hard hits – link – (Mike)
Jose Mourinho at Porto – link and link – (Steff)
BOOK
The Card: Every Match, Every Mile – link – (Steff)

EPISODE 45: Stealing A Living
8 February 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘I just love minty balls’ – Mike
‘Shitting in sawdust is not a treat’ – Mike
‘I wasn’t getting pegged at a young age’ – Mike
‘I thought I’d wanked it over to the left’ – Mike
‘There’s nothing funnier than some bloke in agony being dropped off a stretcher by some inept St John’s Ambulance man’ – Mike
‘I was trying to channel Mad Frankie Fraser’ – Elis
‘If I had my nuts ripped out, I would take a year off’ – Elis
‘Shall we have a game of headers and volleys up against the Sphinx?’ – Elis
‘You take the bollock money’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Buck Shelford. Tough – link – (Mike)
Middlesbrough legend Wilf Mannion – link – (Elis)
James Milner and Jurgen Klopp – link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
Golazzo: The Football Italia Story – link – (Steff)
ROUND TWO CLIPS
Sean Taylor in the Pro Bowl – link – (Mike)
Gerald Cordle, Martin Offiah and Will Carling in action – link – (Steff)
Steven Gerrard’s slip – link – (Elis)
BOOK
Curt: The Alan Curtis Story – link – (Elis)

EPISODE 46: The Referee’s A Plonker
15 February 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘I’m a receiver more than a giver’ – Mike
‘It’s nice to put your penis in things’ – Mike
‘Imagine how great three dicks up the bum would be’ – Mike
‘Don’t put a recycling bin bag in your oven’ – Mike
‘Oooh, look at them’ – Elis
‘Why invent diarrhea?’ – Elis
‘They’re big fuckers’ – Elis on bears
‘I have two breakfasts’ – Elis
‘No one is tuning in for Garrero unleashed’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Pembrokeshire’s traditional game Cnapan – link – (Elis)
Robot Hole in One – link – (Mike)
Dan James nearly signs for Leeds – link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
Inspired To Ride – link – (Elis)
ROUND TWO CLIPS
Wales v Scotland 1971 – link – (Mike)
Scottish Rugby Players singing Calon Lan – link – (Steff)
Wales 3 Belgium 1, October 1990 – link – (Elis)
BOOK
Secret Sins: Sex, Violence and Society in Carmarthenshire 1870-1920 by Russell Davies – link – (Elis)

EPISODE 47: Top Vocal Act From The East
22 February 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘It’s coming across as creepy, Mr Bubbins’ – Mike
‘Can I be in charge of shorts?’ – Mike
‘You don’t need more than 12 cars’ – Mike
‘Every time I saw John Inverdale, just shoot the fuckin telly’ – Mike
‘I wanna drink homemade scrumpy with Bez in Herefordshire’ – Mike
‘I would rather teach than kow-tow to the dongs who book Live At The Apollo’ – Mike
‘I’ve shat in a lot of services’ – Mike
‘Go out, have a laugh with your mates and make a twat of yourself’ – Mike
‘Most actors are shit’ – Mike
‘Laurence Olivier. Rubbish’ – Mike
‘Free me from these sporting shackles, Garrero’ – Mike
‘I’m a thin-skinned, needy prick’ – Mike
‘Are you familiar with Pan’s People?’ – Elis
‘Who gets the picture of my penis?’ – Elis
‘I certainly wouldn’t do a sexy dance’ – Elis
‘Democracy, my arse’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Tom Dumoulin, when you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go – link – (Elis)
Sky Sports analysis, 1970s style – link – (Mike)
Train track inside the ground – link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
The Dawn Wall – link – (Mike)
ROUND TWO CLIPS
Roger Milla at the 1990 World Cup, at the age of 38 – link – (Elis)
Willis Halaholo highlights – link – (Steff)
Aerobics. So pointless. – link – (Mike)
BOOK
Chasing Dean: Surfing America’s Hurricane States  by Tom Anderson – link – (Steff)

EPISODE 48: Paper Pants
1 March 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘Striped boxers. Pathetic’ – Mike
‘How lame is your boner?’ – Mike
‘Like trying to get a marshmallow in a coin slot’ – Mike
‘How does your dick work, mate?’ – Mike
‘Where is Isy? She must spend her life with gigolos’ – Mike
‘At some point in history, men have believed the hype that moustaches aren’t cool’ – Mike
‘I think I’d be a big hit in the homosexual world’ – Mike
‘At eight quid, Elis will give you a blow job. Or lick you out. Your choice’ – Mike
‘I’m a tight boxer man’ – Elis
‘I’m very impressed with the idea of “it” tearing through paper’ – Elis
‘I could definitely move paper a bit’ – Elis
‘The gusset of my pants ends up looking like it’s been scraped up by a tiger’s claws’ – Elis
‘We’re not selling paper pants’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Eric Morecombe commentating on Luton Town vs Bristol City, December 1973 – link – (Mike)
Edgar Davids makes his Barnet debut – link – (Elis)
Lake Tahoe hosts NHL – link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
Free Solo – link – (Steff)
ROUND TWO CLIPS
Usain Bolt wins 100m gold at the 2008 Olympics – link – (Elis)
Long Jumping Redefined – link – (Steff)
Mike Kearney and Stephen Garcia at Anfield – link – (Mike)
BOOK
The Mixer: The Story of Premier League Tactics, from Route One to False Nines by Michael Cox – link – (Elis)

EPISODE 49: Hopeless. Romantic.
8 March 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘I’ve loved lockdown. It’s been an absolute godsend for me’ – Mike
‘I love The Wanker’s Arms at the bottom of the garden’ – Mike
‘If that speccie little fuck doesn’t think I’m going to write a character one day, based entirely on him…’ – Mike
‘You turn up at a bowling alley with your own ball, you look like you’ve got issues immediately’ – Mike
‘I had rickets before you started singing that’ – Mike
‘It’s always disappointing when loudmouths can back it up’ – Mike
‘There was definitely sheep in it’ – Mike
‘Your nan’s a slag’ – Mike
‘I love words’ – Mike
‘You didn’t need to eat between dumpings?’ – Elis
‘I think you’re the most extrovert human being I’ve ever met’ – Elis
‘I reckon I could beat him (Andrew Marr) easily’ – Elis
‘The spray they use on those shoes…that could cure corona’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Bowling greatness – link – (Mike)
Llanelli 13 Australia 9 1992 – link – (Elis)
Lou Reed after his first cap – link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
Bruno v Tyson – link – (Elis)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
AS Roma fan’s Facebook gaffe – link – (Elis)
Roberto Carlos free-kick science – link – (Steff)
Spurs ballboy – link – (Mike)
BOOK
King of the World: Muhammad Ali and the Rise of an American Hero by David Remnick – link – (Mike)

EPISODE 50: #JusticeforCnut
15 March 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘I look at the sea and think, “You’re a worthy equal”’ – Mike
‘Beans on toast off Martin Offiah’s bum. What a night in’ – Mike
‘Can I just clarify: I’ve never had gonorrhoea’ – Mike
‘We’re ten grand down – and I’ve got third-degree burns of the anus’ – Mike
‘I used to read Mills and Boon in my 20s’ – Elis
#NotAllPencilDicks – Elis
‘Imagine if your gran could arm wrestle all your mates’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Katherine Switzer runs the 1967 Boston Marathon – link – (Elis)
Ernestine Shepherd, 80-year-old bodybuilder – link – (Mike)
Scottish footballer, Rose Reilly – link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
The Merthyr Mermaid – link – (Mike)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
England Women’s Cricket XI v Fenner’s XI, 1971 – link – (Steff)
Florence Griffith Joyner at the Seoul 1988 Olympic Games – link – (Mike)
Martina Navratilova at Wimbledon – link – (Elis)
BOOK
Curveball: The Remarkable Story of Toni Stone by Martha Ackmann – link – (Steff)

EPISODE 51: The Jane & Finch Candle Company
22 March 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘I’m a romantic bloke. I’m the total package’ – Mike
‘There must be non-stop piss in this pool’ – Mike
‘They call me the scourge of Jerusalem’ – Mike
‘If you’re listening to this, don’t get involved in religious genocide…but do get the Study Bed’ – Mike
‘I’m dripping in sin’ – Elis
‘It’s quite funny the judge having to wade through the first two hours of this pod’ – Elis

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Gareth Bale announces himself to the world against Inter Milan, 2010 – link & link & link – (Elis)
Sabine Schmitz on Top Gear – link – (Mike)
Newport County player celebrates in front of former manager who didn’t rate him – link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
One Man and His Shoes – link – (Steff)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
Phil Vickery on being dropped as a Lion – link – (Steff)
Tony Sibson on Marvin Hagler – link – (Mike)
Linford Christie wins gold at the 1992 Barcelona Olympics – link – (Elis)
BOOK
Hard Man Hard Knocks: Terry Yorath & Grahame Lloyd – link – (Elis)

EPISODE 52: You’ve Got Your Piggles, Your Daisies, Your Boos, Your Pakkas
29 March 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘I’m leaving. I’m suing you two and I’m off’ – Mike
‘Last time I was in Newcastle, I was trying to get a legover on a boat’ – Mike
‘Take Tuesday off work. Tell them I said it was OK’ – Mike
‘I do engender loyalty’ – Elis
‘I think Steffan Garrero is a shithouse’ – Elis
‘Mr Tumble away is a great day out’ – Elis
‘Are you making cock films, Mike?’ – Steff
‘Firm bum, decent bulge, everyone’s happy’ – Steff
‘Come and see the circus. It’s lame and mean’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Succulent Chinese Meal (Judo) – link – (Mike)
Joe Frazier, the singer – link & link & link & link & link – (Steff)
Cofio Dai Davies – link – (Elis)
DOCUMENTARY
My Name Is Francesco Totti – link – (Elis)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
1960’s men’s gym – link – (Elis)
Frank Worthington tribute – link – (Mike)
Dwayne Leverock’s cricket catch for Bermuda – link – (Steff)
BOOK
An Illustrated History of Welsh Rugby by James Stafford – link – (Mike)

EPISODE 53: Barry McGuigan
5 April 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘The eighties was like competitive fingering’ – Mike
‘If Priscilla’s listening, I’d love to dress up and meet you sometime’ – Mike
‘She’s on her phone and he’s on a promise’ – Mike
‘Colouring in, bumming and sunshine. Lovely’ – Mike
‘You can be posh and not be an arsehole’ – Mike
‘I’ve got access to Budgens until 10pm, seven nights a week’ – Elis
‘He’s big into the tickling scene’ – Elis
‘Talking of your big testicles, Mike…’ – Elis
‘I work with Steff. He’s a compulsive liar’ – Elis
‘What’s the opposite of lamping and county cricket?’ – Elis
‘Jam as much sawdust as you can up there and crack on’ – Steff
‘I’m good cop to your bad cop’ – Steff
‘I’d look like blancmange in a condom’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Jonny Williams scores his first goal for his country – this is what it sounds like – link – (Elis)
Don’t make Devon Malcolm angry – link – (Mike)
Martin Compson (Line of Duty) watching Scotland win – link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
Oceans Apart – link – (Mike)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
Fan saves woman from being hit by a baseball – link – (Elis)
Max Latiff giving an interview – link – (Mike)
Amy Williams wins gold in 2010 Winter Olympics – link – (Steff)
BOOK
The Extraordinary Life of Serena Williams by Shelina Janmohamed – link – (Steff)

EPISODE 54: British Dessert Tie
12 April 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘If you want fresh angles on wanking, I’m your man’ – Mike
‘There is something of the Mr Dolmio about me’ – Mike
‘I’ll be wearing the sort of stuff on stage that Elton John thinks is a bit much’ – Mike
‘If you’re listening to this, Kel, you’re odd’ – Mike
‘Could I put my hand up a cow’s fanny? No’ – Elis
‘If I do say so myself, I am the master of the podcast’ – Elis
‘Deschamps looks like he does mime’ – Elis
‘Coney Island is New York’s Barry Island’ – Elis
‘I had piano lessons from a vicious old woman’ – Steff
‘If you don’t shave them, still check them’ – Steff
‘Did you get a ball shot?’ – Steff
‘When do you move from enthusiast into weirdo?’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Gordon Strachan narrates Arsene Wenger kicking a bottle in disgust – link – (Elis)
Real Sociedad manager after first trophy in 34 years – link – (Mike)
Muhammad Ali v Rocky Marciano – link and link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
Mike And The Mad Dog – link – (Steff)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
Cycling at the 1948 Olympics – link – (Mike)
World Record ski jump – link – (Elis)
Gareth Bale And Joe Rodon – link – (Steff)
BOOK
Inverting the Pyramid: The History of Football Tactics by Jonathan Wilson – link – (Elis)

EPISODE 55: David Ginola, The Handsome Bastard
19 April 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘I always get Tupac and Vanilla Ice mixed up’ – Mike
‘I had to go to Toys R Us for my vaccination’ – Mike
‘I like to squeeze a pear. Have a sniff of a loaf’ – Mike
‘…and then we went to town’ – Mike
‘Don’t hug your nan – but do pick up your rubbish’ – Mike
‘I’m not willing to conduct a hate crime’ – Elis
‘Oh, shiver my timbers’ – Elis
‘Just give Adrian Chiles another hour’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Alex Scott taking the piss out of Jamie Carragher – link – (Elis)
Dougie Smith books Gazza – link – (Mike)
Rachel Atherton, the greatest downhill mountain bike rider – link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
Bosman – The Player That Changed Football – link – (Elis)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
Alex Murphy, 1980s rugby league clip – link – (Mike)
Waisale Serevi playing sevens rugby- link – (Elis)
Team America v England. A combined NASL team play v England, Italy and Brazil in 1976 – link – (Steff)
BOOK
Race Against Time by Ellen MacArthur – link – (Mike)

EPISODE 56: Taking Pyjamas To A Nightclub
26 April 2021
Podfollow

TOP QUOTES
‘My Ginger Nuts are entangled’ – Mike
‘Dad wasn’t happy. Mum wasn’t happy. I was pissed, so I was happy’ – Mike
‘Do your little thing with the clip’ – Mike
‘More heroin chat after the paywall’ – Mike
‘I am absolute dynamite in bed after 17 pints of lager’ – Mike
‘I won’t allow surprises’ – Elis
‘I want to blow smoke up Jonny Owen’s arse’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
The Future of Football 1994 – link – (Mike)
Barcelona 6 PSG 1 – link – & The Kop in the minute after David Fairclough put Liverpool through to the European Cup Semi Final, 16 March 1977 – link – (Elis)
The start of e-sports – link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
I Believe In Miracles – link – (Mike)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
Duncan Ferguson tells a kid to stop slacking off at school and it’s terrifying – link – (Elis)
Danny McAlinden wins British heavyweight title in 1972 – link – (Mike)
Northern Ireland v England: Best v Banks – link – (Steff)
BOOK
Cassius X, The Transformation of Muhammad Ali by Stuart Cosgrove – link – (Steff)

EPISODE 57: Shower When Necessary
3 May 2021
Podfollow

TOP QUOTES
‘I thought, “fucking hell we’re good”’ – Mike
‘It’s not an acid dream. I’m not making it up’ – Mike
‘Go to work on an egg’ – Mike
‘I’m living vicariously through my dad’s penis’ – Mike
‘My bum’s spotless, mate’ – Mike
‘You could eat your dinner off my dick’ – Mike
‘The free market has decided that you’re shit’ – Elis
‘He’s clearly erect’ – Elis
‘The cheesy nob is what I’m so keen to avoid’ – Elis
‘Hobnobs bad. Aubergine good’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Bobby Moore: Look in at the Local – link & Nike: Nothing Beats a Londoner – link – (Elis)
Non Evans – link – (Mike)
Man City beating Gillingham in the 1999 play-offs – link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
Casuals: The Story of Legendary Terrace Fashion – link – (Steff)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
Kaka turns up to a London 5-a-side – link – (Elis)
Storm Warriors NRL – link – (Mike)
James Simpson, hero – link & link – (Steff)
BOOK
The Sweet Science by AJ Leibling – link – (Elis)

EPISODE 58: What Good’s That To Me?
10 May 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘Fuck him, it’s not his birthday’ – Mike
‘Your Handels, your Griegs, your Stravinskys, your Mendehlssohns, your Vivaldis, your Strausses, your Brittens’ – Mike
‘I used to call it Wank Tuesday’ – Mike
‘Fuck ’em, they should’ve scored earlier’ – Mike
‘What about Reagan?’ – Elis
‘Why did you think that David Platt would enjoy it?’ – Elis
‘Like Jean-Marie Le Pen. But in goal’ – Elis
‘Not a big ol’ horse dick person. Never been a big fan of smegma’ – Elis
‘Zico’s a Patreon!’ – Elis
‘Merkel!’ – Steff
‘You took tips from people calling you a wanker?’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Roger Daltrey training – link – (Mike)
Nigel Kennedy trying his best to entertain the England squad at Italia ‘90 – link – (Elis)
John Lennon on Monday Night Football – link & link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
Whatever Happened to the Knockers? – link – (Elis)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
Keith Cooper getting ready to referee the South Wales derby – link – (Elis)
Emlyn Hughes and Princess Anne – link & link – (Steff)
Llanelli Warriors tour New Zealand – link – (Mike)
BOOK
Death Row All Stars: A Story of Baseball, Corruption and Murder by Howard Kazanjian – link – (Mike)

EPISODE 59: Meet My Family: Rusty, Cheeky, Dirty, Smelly, Complete, Massive & Hard
17 May 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘I can go and cause them grief four hours a day, every day of the week’ – Mike
‘Their installation looks like something from Beadle’s About’ – Mike
‘When you buy a TV from Samsung, you shouldn’t have to know Joe Lycett for it to work’ – Mike
‘He looks like he’s just been unchained from a radiator in Beirut’ – Mike
‘First of all, sorry for slagging you out in the past’ – Mike
‘I’m a nice man… as I’ve established’ – Mike
‘This is absolute horseshit’ – Elis
‘Fucking Google it, you biff’ – Elis
‘I hate to criticise you, Mike, but this is why you’re one of life’s losers’ – Elis
‘Don’t bring up golf clubs in front of Mike, for crying out loud’ – Elis
‘I’m basically the Chris Martin of this podcast’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Karren Brady at Birmingham City in 1993 – link – (Mike)
Alun Evans, Darts – link – (Steff)
A horrific video celebrating Man City’s title win – link – (Elis)
DOCUMENTARY
Steelers, The World’s First Gay Rugby Club – link – (Mike)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
George Best builds a £36k house in Bramhall, Cheshire – link – (Elis)
UFC 1 – link – (Steff)
Ian McGeechan’s Lions speech – link – (Mike)
BOOK
Goodfella by Craig Bellamy – link – (Steff)

EPISODE 60: So I Did: The Peter Shilton Story
24 May 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘Could Elis fit any more food in his mouth in one go?’ – Mike
‘Elis looks like he’s on the vinegar stroke there’ – Mike
‘It sounds like a stampede upstairs when she’s walking around’ – Mike
‘I wasn’t a Roughie McToughie’ – Mike
‘God, I love a bit of clag’ – Elis
‘I am quick at steps’ – Elis

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Ryan Reynolds, and Rob McElhenney, and Maxine – link – (Everyone)
Swindon Town, 1963 – link – (Mike)
Stuart Pearce sticks David James up front in a mad attempt to qualify for the UEFA Cup, 2005 – link – (Elis)
DOCUMENTARY
Being Evel Knievel – link – (Steff)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
Baseball: 94mph fastball in the face – link – (Mike)
Lerrone Richards singing – link – (Steff)
Llanelli v Neath, Schweppes Cup Final 1989 – link – (Elis)
BOOK
I Think Therefore I Play by Andrea Pirlo – link – (Elis)

EPISODE 61: Laughterhouse 5
31 May 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘If you’re gonna be a knob, at least back yourself’ – Mike
‘Mike Chubbins’ – Mike
‘I know what a noun is’ – Mike
‘Shakespeare is rubbish’ – Mike
‘This little thing’s an absolute godsend’ – Mike
‘And she showers every day. Sellout’ – Mike
‘I’m fairly fond of the second world war’ – Mike
‘DO YOU WANT TO BE IN THE NATIONAL GALLERY?’ – Mike
‘Monet: No gap. Manet: No gap. Degas: No gap. See the pattern?’ – Mike
‘I bought fifty quids’ worth of drugs, wholesale, sold them for two-hundred – and repeated the process’ – Mike
‘Tubbins’ – Elis
‘I am not dressing as a 1930’s paperboy’ – Elis
‘Carravagio wanted it. Michaelangelo wanted it. Leonardo Da Vinci wanted it’ – Elis
‘I’ve got quite fine, hairy armpits’ – Steff
‘Mr Tumble’s gone rogue’ – Steff
‘I’m passionately into my landmine buying’ – Steff
‘I had to travel around South Wales the week before Christmas, trying to find a shop that had Es’ – Steff
‘I like them. They’re great. But are they happy?’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Harry Redknapp talks up a 17-year-old Frank Lampard – link – (Mike)
Tony Bellew dealing with his kids before an interview on Zoom – link – (Steff)
Tumble v Penclawdd, WWRU Challenge Cup Final, 1971-72 – link – (Elis)
DOCUMENTARY
Sherpa – link – (Elis)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
Alan Shearer’s chicken and beans – link – (Elis)
Gary Lineker on parents in football – link – (Steff)
Al Charron scores for Canada at the 1995 Rugby World Cup – link – (Mike)
BOOK
Gordon’s Game by Gordon D’Arcy – link – (Mike(‘s son))

EPISODE 62: Annwyl Bloke
7 June 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘Gravity’s not what it used to be’ – Mike
‘A free house is a free house’ – Mike
‘Don’t take the piss and keep going forever… what if he lives to 100?’ – Mike
‘It’s like a floating Brexit party’ – Mike
‘Hands up who prefers St Kitts And Nevis’ – Mike
‘I went down a little bit of a Peter Shilton rabbit hole’ – Mike
‘I want to be part of the solution’ – Mike
‘I would never call a referee an “unwashed dildo”’ – Mike
‘Oh fuck off, you slapheaded fucker’ – Mike
‘I love “prick”. You cannot go wrong with “prick”’ – Mike
‘Elis is very much a gentle Jesus’ – Mike
‘ I think we give the mouthbreathers too much… I’d give the freeloaders nothing’ – Mike
‘I’ll curl Elis and bench-press Steff’ – Mike
‘In hindsight, I used to be a bit of a knob’ – Mike
‘Fuck’s sake. I’ve got good stuff on kievs’ – Elis
‘I was at the back doing wanker signs’ – Elis
‘I was actually down there to complete a murder’ – Elis
‘“Bellend” had a good 15 years off’ – Elis
‘Even Thicko Mike did it’ – Elis
‘I think I was a bit of a sapper’ – Elis
‘I’d absolutely hate being castrated’ – Elis
‘If you’re a squaddie who listens, and you want to nominate Elis for a civilian award, feel free’ – Steff
‘Is that Five Live’s Elis James?’ – Steff
‘Nativity away’ – Steff
‘Please do not send the venues a dirty protest’ – Steff
‘Big Shitty Al!’ – Steff
‘I’m going to Botox my nads!’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Jordan Henderson and his dad – link & link – (Mike)
Dunfermline Athletic singing the Eastenders theme on Pebble Mill – link – (Elis)
Panenka – link & link & link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
Another Bloody Sunday – link – (Mike)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
Hearts go for the double in 1985-86, mess up the league on the final day of the season, then lose the Scottish Cup Final to Aberdeen – link – (Elis)
Liverpool’s kit man – link – (Steff)
Joe Marler interview – link – (Mike)
BOOK
Bunce’s Big Fat Short History of British Boxing by Steve Bunce  – link – (Steff)

EPISODE 63: I’m a Bonnie Tyler/Snooker/White Dog Poo/Tommy Cooper SuperFan
14 June 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘Stefan is the Rishi Sunak of podcasting’ – Mike
‘Who owns Bebo? Vanilla Ice?’ – Mike
‘If News Corp come in and offer us £500m, I am gonna sell’ – Mike
‘He was clever but thick’ – Mike
‘You’re a fuckin’ butcher, go away’ – Mike
‘If I said “snuff movies”, you’d be hauling me over the coals’ – Mike
‘I just wanna take back everything I said about Logan Paul’ – Mike
‘Who are the best at catching?’ – Elis
‘Leighton Baines quite likes Arctic Monkeys’ – Elis
‘I am a white dog poo super fan’ – Steff
‘Elis has done this series on BBC Wales. Bye’ – Steff
‘I’m all for shitting in envelopes’ – Steff
‘You’re a chocolate browser’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
George Best on the frustration of not playing in a World Cup – link – (Elis)
State Of Origin intro – link – (Mike)
John Barnes recreates World In Motion – link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
Elis James: Football Nation – link – (Steff)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
Sneaky running x2 – link & link – (Steff)
Ricky Hatton on Floyd Mayweather – link – (Elis)
Marcus Armitage wins his first European Tour event – link – (Mike)
BOOK
The Accidental Footballer by Pat Nevin – link – (Elis)

EPISODE 64: Dick And Willy Seaman
21 June 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘The thinking man’s Adam Woodyatt, Elis James’ – Mike
‘I live on Dolmio’ – Mike
‘If you take nothing from this podcast, don’t overtake snowplows’ – Mike
‘We were technically clean in 1978’ – Mike
‘What would he do in the wild?’ – Mike
‘It’s like living with a salamander’ – Mike
‘Granddad Spunky’ – Mike
‘Is my… my mic is on’ – Mike
‘I sliced my bum open’ – Elis
‘If we hadn’t been managed badly in the 80s, we’d have been clean a couple of times’ – Elis
‘If you don’t find Felix sexy, you are wrong’ – Steff
‘You don’t normally have a hole in your house’ – Steff
‘I’d had no lunch – and I was dehydrated due to the warm weather. I got carried away in the moment’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
S4C Newyddion chats to Wales fans in North Wales – link – (Mike)
Aaron Ramsey goal v England U21 – link – (Elis)
Colin McCrae making a rally car dance – link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
The Derry City Story – link – (Elis)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
Leeds Rhinos Learning Disability Team – link – (Mike)
Simon Davies for Fulham v Hamburg- link – (Elis)
Kasper Schmeichel – link – (Steff)
BOOK
A Race with Love and Death by Richard Williams – link – (Mike)

EPISODE 65: Absolutely Instagrammed
28 June 2021
Podfollow

TOP QUOTES
‘I just feel pumped’ – Mike
‘I fancy myself as like a toreador’ – Mike
‘She’s got very strong opinions about the trade union movement’ – Mike
‘I’m not fucking Fred West!’ – Mike
‘I can’t wait to give up on everything’ – Mike
‘I do love the word “shafted”’ – Mike
‘Some referees deserve zero respect’ – Mike
‘I want a statue of myself’ – Mike
‘It’s like he has a lovely little line of coke, just before he goes to bed’ – Elis
‘You showed a grieving woman your study bed?’ – Elis
‘You’re cat’s decomposing!’ – Elis
‘Can you reason with a grizzly bear?’ – Elis
‘I’d just feel like a tit’ – Elis
‘The mice were keeping us up’ – Elis
‘I developed feelings’ – Elis
‘Why can’t I wait for squash afterwards?’ – Steff
‘I’d give him some’ – Steff
‘I just want a second series’ – Steff
‘Let’s take on Cox’ – Steff
‘Happy days! Love dead people!’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Joe Rodon’s ‘WOSS ‘E ON ABOUT?’ to the ref during the Turkey game – link – (Elis)
Piper down – link – (Mike)
JoRaiders defensive end Carl Nassib announces that he is gay – link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
Ref: Stories From The Weekend – link – (Mike)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
Umbrella opening and closing champion – link – (Steff)
Alwyn, the 85-year-old boxing coach – link – (Mike)
Gareth Bale apologising to the team for missing the penalty against Turkey – link – (Elis)
BOOK
Stronger by Gareth Thomas – link – (Steff)

EPISODE 66: Outsprinting Mozart
5 July 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘I think I was singing Barry Manilow’ – Mike
‘She thought it was hilarious that I didn’t know what four plus three is’ – Mike
‘We weren’t wanking each other off’- Mike
‘I think she’s got her knockers out’ – Mike
‘Cock and balls out, running through Westminster Abbey’ – Mike
‘Guillotine her on Bastille Day’ – Mike
‘Could Galileo have had a successful podcast? No’ – Mike
‘Just to clarify, Christ wasn’t on a bike’ – Mike
‘Stoke is a shithole, I want to go home’ – Elis
‘It’s hard to get away with murder, isn’t it?’ – Elis
‘Just Dick Van Dyke-ing you in the face’ – Steff
‘You’re dead, aaaaah!’ – Steff
‘Did Mozart have to get the kids to swimming?’ – Steff
‘In a way, Toploader were better than Mozart’ – Steff
‘I’d kill someone for £1.2m’ – Steff
‘It feels like we’re drug dealers‘ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Billericay Town ‘Shut your eyes!” – link – (Mike)
Fan cause huge Tour de France crash- link – (Elis)
Lauren Price – link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
Get Shirty, The Admiral Story – link – (Steff)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
All 97 goals John Charles scored in Serie A – link – (Elis)
Mark Cavendish winning Stage 3 at the Tour De France – link – (Steff)
Choir practicing at a Porthcawl U12 match – link – (Mike)
BOOK
Keane: The Autobiography by Roy Keane – link – (Elis)

EPISODE 67: Are You Not Looking At My Missus?
12 July 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘I am a super fan of Dr Hook’ – Mike
‘Cumbro’ – Mike
‘Look at me, being all posh with my triangular toast’ – Mike
‘Wish I had a nine-inch dick’ – Mike
‘If there’s one thing I’d love to see, it’s another man’s balls right by my fucking face’ – Mike
‘If you’re some fucking dildo, who lives with his fucking mum, I don’t care what your opinion is’ – Mike
‘I think I’ve had some mushrooms for lunch’ – Mike
‘Me versus an ant, no contest’ – Mike
‘Every meal, I would chew the same way’ – Mike
‘I’m gonna get 80m followers – and fuck the two of you off’ – Mike
‘As much as I respect Ant and Dec, I don’t respect – or have any time for – their skincare advice’ – Elis
‘Why aren’t you looking at my missus, you cunt?’ – Elis
‘People are thick as shit, aren’t they?’ – Elis
‘A “D” is not an “O”’ – Steff
‘If someone turned up at the door for you with a nine-inch cock, do you think that’d be a good thing?’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Rucking in rugby union – link – (Elis)
Austistic High School basketball player in Rochester – link – (Mike)
BBC Goal of the month, October 1993, Life of Riley – link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
Skid Row Marathon – link – (Elis)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
Leatherhead after beating Billericay – link – (Mike)
Chellini’s shithouse tactics prior to the Italy v Spain penalty shoot-out at Euro 2020- link – (Elis)
Precious McKenzie – link – (Steff)
BOOK
Legacy of the Lions: Lessons in Leadership from the British & Irish Lions by Gavin Hastings – link – (Mike)

EPISODE 68: Saluting The Urn
19 July 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘I went to get a Kenco while you were grinding Guatemalan beans. You absolute fanny’ – Mike
‘Coffee does taste nicer with Coffeemate’ – Mike
‘It’ll be great. Just plug it in and it wanks you off while you’re watching Bargain Hunt’ – Mike
‘How’d we get onto Wankatron 3000?’ – Mike
‘I’m no Jerry Seinfeld – but I bet I can run faster than him’ – Mike
‘If Pol Pot was doing my boy’s rugby…’ – Mike
‘Tell you who’s a bloody good bloke: that Matt Hancock’ – Mike
‘I like the old days’ – Mike
‘Stu, if you know you’re a dong, that is literally half the battle, mate’ – Mike
‘I had a proper flat-top, like Carl Lewis‘ – Mike
‘What’s the tasting notes like on your orange squash?’ – Mike
‘I was trying to have a good look at that tiny pecker bloke, dancing with his cock and balls out’ – Mike
‘…and in hindsight, it was funny, yeah’ – Mike
‘Two-faced, big knockers. That’s fine’ – Mike
‘The loving embrace of the thickies’ – Mike
‘I love it when you call me a wanker’ – Elis
‘What I do now… I just wet the bed’ – Elis
‘People from Carmarthen have tried avocados now. Halloumi is part of the scene’ – Elis
‘I’ve moved on from Ribena’ – Elis
‘It’s gesture bandaging’ – Elis
‘Mike Bubbins is a Judas’ – Elis
‘I’ve always been fairly mundane’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
England fans riot before Euro 2020 final – link – (Mike)
Cricket in the rain – link – (Elis)
England players congratulate Marcus Smith on Lions call up during interview – link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
Mr Calzaghe – link – (Mike)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
Martin Tyler with the most legendary voice crack ever – link – (Elis)
Tom O’Flaherty try – link – (Mike)
John Akhwari – link – (Steff)
BOOK
Relentless, 12 Rounds to Success by Eddie Hearn – link – (Steff)

EPISODE 69: Cofficionado
26 July 2021
Podfollow

TOP QUOTES
‘What is it with politicians? Whatever hue they are, whatever part of the world, they’re fucking morons’ – Mike
‘I forgive you, John. Move on’ – Mike
‘Who have you fisted today?’ – Mike
‘… a mix of inspirational and sexual. That’s all you need to know’ – Mike
‘Come and see my carrot on Patreon’ – Mike
‘I’ve got a king-size Twix with my name on it in the fridge’ – Mike
‘It’s not his fault you’ve never had a shag’ – Mike
‘I hate parties. Like to be on the guest list’ – Elis
‘This bloke got his bollocks stamped on. Superb’ – Elis’
‘I would absolutely hate to get a bull hoof in the scrotum’ – Elis
‘Look at me. I am slow and weak’ – Elis
‘I’m going to get a Wales Under-21 cap’ – Elis
‘Fingers crossed for a lucky gust’ – Elis
‘Is there a Monkey The Adult?’ – Steff
‘Is anyone a fucking nob? Hands up’ – Steff
‘Three starlings trying to get food off the mother’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Speed Rollerskating 1973 – link – (Mike)
Michael Johnson reacts to Usain Bolt’s 9.58 – link – (Elis)
Ireland qualify for the Olympic Sevens – link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
Strike Team – link – (Steff)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
Bobby Robson’s words to Gazza after losing to Germany at Italia 90 – link – (Elis)
Geoff Capes – link – (Mike)
Carl Lewis v Mike Powell long jump in 1991 – link – (Steff)
BOOK
Forever Young: The Story of Adrian Doherty, Football’s Lost Genius Hardcover by Oliver Kay – link – (Elis)

EPISODE 70: Failed PE Teacher I Am
2 August 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘Fair play to us’ – Mike
‘If you’ve got sweaty tits, it’s the bomb, apparently’ – Mike
‘Why is Mike wanking off under a flyover?’ – Mike
‘I wish that prick was dead’ – Mike
‘Have you two ever read a book?’ – Mike
‘I look an absolute disgrace from the waist up’ – Elis
‘I was never the life and soul of the party. I was more of the conscience of the party’ – Elis
‘I’ve never knowingly drunk piss’ – Elis
‘… she’s in No Time To Die – and I’m doing the school run’ – Elis
‘I reckon it’d be quite good fun getting punched through a plaster board wall’ – Elis
‘It’s very Back To The Future the record of this podcast’ – Elis
‘Thanks a lot, guys, you are now Chum’ – Steff
‘Would you punch that nine-year-old out of the way?’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Adult tries to steal signed basketball shoes that have been given to a kid – link – (Elis)
Two-way baseball player, Shohei Ohtani – link – (Steff)
Birmingham’s hopes for a Formula 1 Grand Prix in 1971 – link – (Mike)
DOCUMENTARY
Slaying The Badger (1986 Tour de France) – link – (Elis)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
Ted Talk: Are athletes getting faster? – link – (Elis)
Village cricketer hits a six through his own windscreen – link – (Mike)
The Queen and James Bond at the London Olympics 2012 – link – (Steff)
BOOK
No Helmets Required: The Remarkable Story of the American All Stars Paperback by Gavin Willacy – link – (Mike)

EPISODE 71: A Million Bees
9 August 2021
Podfollow

TOP QUOTES
‘It’s the width of a Volkswagen’ – Steff
‘Shit peak, no fans’ – Elis
‘A 75-year-old woman, post hip op, beat me to the top’ – Mike
‘I went on the Mrs Rabbit helicopter ride in good faith’ – Mike
‘I’d fall and something would go up my bum and I’d die’ – Elis
‘He’s got a taste for blood, this gerbil’ – Elis
‘Bin juice Bubbins’ – Mike
‘I’m not knocking strangle wanks’ – Mike
‘Steff’s just given me a brief, tasteful glimpse of his scrotum’ – Mike
‘I worked in the civil service – but, sadly, pre-dick pic’ – Mike
‘I used to go to a hip-hop night in Cardiff…’ – Elis
‘I remember thinking, “They’ve fucked this”,’ – Mike
‘You get bummed off the Welsh team’ – Steff
‘What a foreskin of a bloke. A useless piece of fucking dick skin – and I can’t stand him’ – Mike on Piers Morgan
‘I’ve been up 24 hours straight before. Mine involved going to a party, thinking I was gonna get my leg over at this girl’s house’ – Mike
‘He asks for chutney and beetroot, like the prima donna that he is’ – Elis
‘Hornets are scary fuckers’ – Elis
‘There must’ve been a million bees or wasps’ – Mike
‘Mike, were you in the Old Testament?’ – Steff
‘What’s a hundred times a hundred?’ – Mike
‘Now I’ve done the maths, I think a million’s conservative’ – Mike
‘I’ll tell you what it was: A fucking lot of bees’ – Mike
‘It was a cup of bees’ – Elis
‘They might have been wasps. I don’t know’ – Mike
‘They went up my street and turned right‘ – Mike
‘All right, I’ve exaggerated a bit’ – Mike
‘It’s all coming out now why Steff left the BBC … the Kenco money disappeared’ – Mike & Steff
‘I’m not saying that Geraint is being tight necessarily – but he is a multi-millionaire and he has won the Tour de France’ – Mike
‘I’ve never worn an all-in-one’ – Elis
‘I was such a perv back in the day’ – Mike
‘Imagine like a dirty snake’ – Mike
‘You weren’t the sort of bloke who turned up at a B&B with a telly and a video, were you?’ – Mike
‘I’m a pervert, not a thief’ – Mike

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Insane robot dance – link – the clip Mike watched -(Elis)
Tom Hanks announces the Cleveland Guardians – link – (Mike)
Luke Treharne on not making the Olympics – link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
47 Summits – link – (Mike)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
Cyclist gets bike from crowd, then wins – link – (Mike)
Andy Murray calls out sexism – link & link – (Steff)
Best-ever Sunday League tackles – link – (Elis)
BOOK
You Are a Champion: How to Be the Best You Can Be by Marcus Rashford & Carl Anka – link – (Steff)

EPISODE 72: Michael Owen’s Movie Club: Field Of Dreams
16 August 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘We are nothing, if not chaff merchants’ – Steff
‘Steff’s probably in Monaco, with all our money’ – Elis
‘I’m not your dad, I’m a ghost’ – Steff
‘I’m bang up for reading a book that encouraged promiscuity in the sixties’ – Elis
‘He’s not a great dad – but he’s a brilliant actor’ – Mike

EPISODE 73: This is our Live Aid
23 August 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘When you have a tray of biscuits, and people only have one, that’s borderline psychopathic behaviour’ – Mike
‘If you went to a pub … and drink 13 pints of Ribena, people would think you’re mentally unwell’ – Mike
‘I like to eat-abix my Weetabix’ – Steff
‘You’re literally doing a podcast about PE from the past’ – Steff
‘If Phil Collins was in my back garden, I’d be out the front’ – Mike
‘I come up with shit Twitter handles – and I’m Morrissey’ – Steff
‘Can I just say, Freddie Mercury probably did get involved in watersports at some point in his life’ – Mike
‘I wouldn’t want to be the pissee, I’d want to be the pisser’ – Elis
‘There’s nothing sexy about piss’ – Elis
‘Arsehole’s on the way out’ – Mike
‘It’s like British Wacky Races… but for real’ – Mike
‘My thoughts on acting are fairly well known’ – Mike
‘Are you sponsored by Birnbeck Pier?’ – Steff
‘I think I was born under an unlucky star’ – Elis
‘What a shepherd’s pie’ – Steff
‘Giving birth: piece of piss’ – Steff
‘The nurse goes, “You’ve got a really big head, haven’t you?”’ – Mike
‘Have you been to Malta?’ – Mike
‘Always bring a trampet into everything’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Messi & Neymar – link – (Steff)
Karting with Ronnie Corbett – link – (Mike)
Ruby Tui interview – link – (Elis)
DOCUMENTARY
20 Seconds Of Joy – link – (Steff)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
Chase tag – link – (Steff)
High jump double gold – link – (Mike)
Brian McClair’s penalty miss, Arsenal v Man Utd 1988 – link – (Elis)
BOOK
Etape by Roger Moore – link – (Elis)

EPISODE 74: I Am The Catman
30 August 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘Are you not worried about the old, classic jizz-in-a-burger?’ – Elis
‘I will probably Google “semen”’ – Elis
‘I should’ve done Everest first – and then watch Judge Judy’ – Mike
‘I’d love to see Clive Lloyd’s floppy’ – Mike
‘I’ve got my little floppy’ – Mike
‘Don’t stay in and watch Judge Judy. That’s a mug’s game. I speak from experience’ – Mike
‘I just had to unpack the car’ – Elis
‘Me too, Steve’ – Mike
‘How many hours a day do you read for?’ – Mike
‘I kinda love a bit of skullduggery’ – Elis
‘I hate to cast aspersions on the former Soviet Union’ – Mike
‘I’m the Eggman because I got egg on my dick – so I can’t do PE’ – Elis
‘The sheer number of arseholes there is staggering’ – Mike
‘…when you attack Bobby Davro?’ – Steff
‘Without sounding like too much of a dick, I can pretty much get my head around everything’ – Mike
‘It worked on Zoom, it can work as a hologram’ – Elis
‘Don’t be a sad prick’ – Mike
‘I do like my own work’ – Mike
‘I didn’t know what he wanted them to give up’ – Mike
‘If Kelly leaves me, and I see the kids every other weekend, I’ll be laughing again’ – Mike
‘Until Kel has the affair, I’ll just keep tracing this book’ – Mike

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Team GB wheelchair rugby – link – (Mike)
Roy Keane on Ronaldo returning to Manchester United – link – (Elis)
Olympic pentathlon fencing cheat – link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
Untold: Malice At The Palace – link – (Elis)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
Wales v British Lions rugby – link – (Steff)
Imran Tahir’s The Hundred hat-trick- link – (Mike)
Cathy Freeman wins 400m gold at the 2000 Sydney Olympics – link – (Elis)
BOOK
Motorcycles by Charles E Dean – link – (Mike)

EPISODE 75: Gangsters Can Be Good Dads Too
13 September 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘I’ve never been to Canada, that’s the thing. Never played rugby’ – Mike
‘None of us are Welsh’ – Steff
‘I’m not Kelly’s mum’ – Steff
‘Cricket piss is the best piss’ – Steff
‘An erectile museum?’ – Mike
‘I am very, very brave’ – Elis
‘They’ve got squirrels that could probably stab you’ – Steff
‘A. I’m not gonna catch it. B. My throw’s not going to make it’ – Steff
‘I don’t want to look now like I’m endorsing organised crime…’ – Elis
‘I’m not saying I love the mafia, right’ – Mike
‘Round-dodging bastards is too kind for them’ – Mike
‘I’m woke-curious, if anything’ – Mike
‘In future, Google it for yourself, eh?’ – Steff

ROUND ONE CLIPS
Turbo Tommy’s try in the NRL – link – (Mike)
Stuart Pearce in the Stranglers video – link – (Elis)
Brian Johnson on a rollercoaster – link – (Steff)
DOCUMENTARY
Untold: Crime And Penalties – link – (Mike)
ROUND TWO CLIPS (Patreon exclusive)
College football returns – link – (Mike)
Cardiff Met goal v Swansea – link – (Steff)
France preparing to face Ronaldo, 1998 WC Final – link – (Elis)
BOOK
Too Many Reasons to Live by Rob Burrow – link – (Steff)

EPISODE 76: Hackney Empire (A), Leg 1
20 September 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘Of all the men who listen to this podcast, about 40% of them are called Andy’ – Elis
‘I don’t even like sending a text if I’ve been sick’ – Elis
‘Aussie wanker’ – Mike
‘You’re a button presser’ – Mike
‘He’s a one-take man, Vic’ – Mike
‘He couldn’t go to the football. He had to do his two hours of work a week’ – Mike on Elis
‘Who shits and vapes?’ – Mike
‘I said “I’ve been slagging you on Twitter for 25 minutes”’ – Mike
‘There were a million mourners…’ – Steff
‘I slept in the wrong bed’ – Mike
‘Your boss is the one, on your first Zoom call, who asked “Are you Cock And Balls Rob?”’ – Mike
‘Nooo. No. No. No. This is where it all goes wrong’ – Steff
‘I’m very repressed’ – Steff
‘Putting a willy up a bum is a funny thing to do’ – Mike
‘I didn’t think “tuck shop” was a euphemism’ – Elis
‘I’m as laid back as anyone else’ – Elis
‘She said, “I’d prefer it if you were more naturally handsome”’ – Elis
‘Who’s going to take the time and effort to CGI a prolapsed anus?’ – Mike
‘I’ve never met a charlatan like a weather forecaster’ – Mike
‘We’re fiercely pro-sport on this podcast’ – Mike

CLIPS
Jimmy Greaves talking about poor weather forecasting prior to the 1987 wind storm – link – (Elis)
Paralympic table tennis – link – (Mike)
Paul Thorburn kicking for the Rams in 1987 at Wembley – link – (Steff)

EPISODE 77: Hackney Empire (A), Leg 2
27 September 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘I don’t piss around with ice cream’ – Mike
‘I had a piece of bread at a wedding’ – Elis
‘Mike’s idea was that we sit on stools, like Westlife’ – Elis
‘We are not government shills’ – Mike
‘In the days of King Edward VIII, there wasn’t cans of Red Stripe’ – Mike
‘When I can’t sleep, I have a wank, or watch Trisha’ – Mike
‘I did come home one night and piss in his bed’ – Mike
‘Did you make her shit in the bin?’ – Elis
‘…Old Francophone up in the balcony’ – Mike
‘I’m the Michael Owen of rugby coaching’ – Mike
‘I love wearing white trousers’ – Mike

CLIPS
Tuffers in the batting cage – link – (Mike)
Demba Ba reveals the secret to his success – link – (Elis)
Jazmin Joyce tackle for GB at the Rugby Sevens in Vancouver – link – (Steff, though really Mike)
Man gets hit in the head with a bat at a village cricket game – link – (Mike)
Jimmy Greaves and his dog – link – (Elis)

EPISODE 78: Salford: The Lowry (A)
4 October 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘I’m not saying we’ve got carried away with our first two live gigs but you want a fucking cape and someone’s booked a fucking arena’ – Steff
‘You’ve nailed peacetime’ – Mike
‘She’s never going to be queen, mate. Get over it’ – Mike
‘Keep yer hands clean, you dirty bastards. Wear a mask’ – Mike
‘I’ve already ground my beans’ – Elis
‘I’m not Shirley Bassey but COME ON’ – Mike
‘There’s a few Tony Martin fans in’ – Elis
‘I just sat in the library shitting myself’ – Steff
‘I was briefly allergic to eggs’ – Elis
‘A pint of eggs?!’ – Steff
‘I’m not Rocky Balboa. I’m not going to drink a pint of eggs’ – Mike
‘…but he was fucking big, mind. Fair play’ – Mike
‘She said, “Excuse me, Sir, would you mind sitting on the other side of the plane”’ – Mike
‘I never have sex anymore. I’ve gone off it, to be honest’ – Mike
‘Can you cut that bit out, because Kelly will go fucking nuts’ – Mike
‘You can shoot your sister with one of them and it won’t pierce the skin. I know that for a fact’ – Mike
‘You’re handshake, full intercourse’ – Elis

CLIPS
Phil and Gary Neville ignore each other for ages – link – (Steff)
Tyson Fury’s verbal comeback to Wilder – link – (Mike)
Mario Balotelli messes up a trick shot – link – (Elis)
Ipswich goal against Sheffield Wednesday – link – (Listeners)

EPISODE 79: The New Theatre, Cardiff (H), Leg 1
11 October 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘Did we sell more beer than Jimmy Carr?’ – Elis
‘I bet, at the age of 77, he would hammer me at an arm wrestle’ – Elis
‘Sorry for the late start but we have cornered the pisshead market’ – Elis
‘…he didn’t remember the gig but he remembered throwing up on a dead pigeon’ – Mike
‘I’m just saying, I would have sex with an android’ – Mike
‘I had a mug of wine last night’ – Mike
‘My fucking wife, god bless her…’ – Mike
‘I can’t take you seriously as you look like an angry set of curtains’ – Elis
‘We’ll get back to the shagging as soon as we can’ – Steff
‘Drawing cocks and balls on things is not an Olympic sport’ – Elis
‘Is the penis ejaculating?’ – Elis
‘I kicked the fire escape down and I just projectile vomited. Great days’ – Mike
‘I asked for a box of pomegranate’ – Elis
‘Hoff’s been in my changing room?’ – Mike
‘We’re a nice bunch of people’ – Mike

CLIPS
Cardiff City goal – link – (Elis)
Clive Sullivan v George Best v Geoff Capes – link – (Steff)
BBC Wales press box, RWC 2015 – link – (Mike)
Buffon: Paper, Scissors, Stone – link – (Listeners)

EPISODE 80: The New Theatre, Cardiff (H), Leg 2
18 October 2021
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TOP QUOTES
‘We can still do cocks and balls, that sort of thing’ – Mike
‘The bar staff at the Cardiff New Theatre is a harassed old lady called Margaret’ – Elis
‘Get some purple and yellow coke in’’ – Steff
‘I ended up offering resistance’ – Elis
‘…I gave him two quid and fucked off’ – Mike
‘I was stood on the wank bank… and there was a dead pigeon next to a syringe’ – Elis
‘I used to trace page three… in a rush. That’d keep me going in the old days’ – Mike
‘I got bored. I shaved myself’ – Mike
‘He doesn’t take a lot of pills, the old man’ – Mike
‘I don’t want it be all Priti Patel’ – Elis
‘Being called a wanker by a thousand people is exhilarating’ – Elis
‘It was more gentle in the old days. You could be a peeping Tom. These days, you’re a sex offender’ – Mike
‘We’ve done 78 shows. What’s that times two? Hundred and… Y’know, that’s loads of shows‘ – Mike

CLIPS
It’s Dai, Do The Dai – link – (Steff)
Comparing Neil Warnock – link & Jose Mourinho – link – (Elis)
Ray French on Billy Boston – link – (Mike)
Angharad James goal – link – (Listeners’)